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[mouth_breather]

'You've reached the voice mail of Jim Kirk. If this is an emergency, hit the pound key to deliver your message via the speaker. As long as I've got my comm with me, I'll hear it. If this is about a class assignment, press one. If this is regarding the location of any of my crew, press two.

If this is Spock questioning my orders to relax every once in a while, wait for exactly 43 seconds, press your thumb to the screen, and speak the secret passwords: 'It's okay to relax every now and then because I trust my captain, as a friend, to know what's good for me.'

...

Did you do it? Now just press 2, it would have got you the same results.'

BEEP!

Comments

[mouth_breather]

[Don't mind the long pause. Kirk is just having a good, long, belly laugh at the thought of Spock saying 'shit.' This is the best night of his life. He just sits there and laughs, one hand on his face, as he desperately wishes for Bones to show up and start complaining about being dropped into Genessia. He's saving these texts for later, see if he doesn't.]

Relax. It'll be fine. It sounds like she's excited too, so she's probably feeling just as nervous as you are. You've got this, bro.

[He can't help himself. Even Kirk never says 'bro' but if Spock is going to say it, he's going to say it right back.]

I'm not even sorry

[vulcanyounot]

[And if you look to your left, you'll find a week Spock will never live down.]

Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks.

[ A few minutes pass before he gets another text. ]

Do you think I should get glasses? You know, for style? I was looking earlier and I really like these two pairs. What do you think? Do I look better with them?

[mouth_breather]

Most people wear them for reading.

For tonight? Has she seen you wear glasses before? I thought you had perfect vision.

They don't look bad, I guess. Second pair is more stylish, first pair makes you look vulnerable in the way women seem to like.

[vulcanyounot]

I do. That's why they'd be for style!

She hasn't seen me in them because I don't wear them, but I know some woman dig them so I got curious how I'd look in them.

Do you think she'd like me better in them?

[KIRK DO GLASSES MAKE HIM LOOK SEXY help a bro out]

[mouth_breather]

I think she'll like you equally the same. She sent you a heart, remember?

[vulcanyounot]

Yeah but that's just her being flirty! I want her to like me. I don't want this to be a one-off thing.

Not that I'd object but

I kind of really want this to go well.

[mouth_breather]

Let's put it a different way.

Do YOU feel sexier if you put on the glasses? If so, get them. If not, don't.

[vulcanyounot]

I don't know? I didn't really consider it. I didn't have a date at the time so it wasn't really on my mind.

[mouth_breather]

All right, well, maybe save glasses for a second date where it might seem more natural to need them for some reason. Does she like poetry? You could read her some and take out the glasses then.

[vulcanyounot]

I don't know. When I met her she was much more direct in her speech than she was today. So I'm not sure how she'd feel about poetry.

[mouth_breather]

Ask her. It's never been my strong suit, so it's not an angle I try to work, but women love it when men write them poems.

Then again you said she might judo flip you, so intellectual pursuits might not be her thing. I don't know what she likes, you do.

oh god I hope she hates poetry because I cannot write it

[vulcanyounot]

Except I don't actually know her all that well. The first time we met she tried to kill me. She did not succeed. Obviously. Then we had a very civil conversation discussing a bunch of things but I don't really know what she likes? Except salad I guess since she's making one for tonight but I don't think that's going to help me.

But I'd like to get to know her. She's unlike anyone I've ever met.

[ Except for his regular self maybe but he doesn't know him! ]

Well...

[mouth_breather]

[OOC: Exhibit A. It might be safe to say she's not a HUGE fan, but...]

It's a first date, so you'll have plenty of chances.

You'll be tempted to try to sell yourself to her and talk about all your best qualities, by the way. Don't do it. Ask her about herself, then listen.

FUCK I'll steal one and edit the name to be Winter

[vulcanyounot]

I'm usually not one to boast so I don't think that will be much of an issue. But if she asks about me I'm allowed to answer, right?

Also when should I tell her that I could read her mind if I wanted to because that seems like something she might want to know about.

[ You offered your services so he's taking full advantage of them! ]

[mouth_breather]

Spock. No. For the love of all that's good and holy do NOT tell her that, especially not in those words. It has to be 'you can read her mind if SHE wants you to.' The other way makes you sound like a stalker.

And yes, you can answer her questions. Just limit your responses to under a minute. If her eyes start to wander, you're talking too much.

[vulcanyounot]

Right, that makes sense. But I shouldn't bring it up at all you don't think?

This is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be.

[mouth_breather]

I can think of a few occasions where it would be a good idea, but otherwise? Not a great selling point, no. She'll think it's an invasion of privacy.

[vulcanyounot]

Okay, gotcha. I don't want to scare her away.

Do you think it would be okay I if I just like took a peek in there to make sure I'm doing okay? jkjk unless it is okay

[vulcanyounot]

Which it's not I know. But it would be great if it were

[mouth_breather]

I think you answered your own question. I'd say don't do it. If you're doing well, you'll know. She'll smile. If you're blowing it, she'll find excuses not to look at you.

[Obviously Kirk doesn't know Winter if he's saying this, but for the rest of the week, he's right at least.]

[vulcanyounot]

Yeah yeah I know. But she could just be acting interested and actually be really bored.

[mouth_breather]

If you want to test it out, touch her arm. If she stiffens up, she's pretending. If she leans into it or touches you back, she's interested. Got it?

[vulcanyounot]

See how her subconscious reacts. That's really great advice. Thanks

[mouth_breather]

Don't mention it. You'll be fine.

And don't take it personally if she doesn't kiss you on the first date. Most women won't do that.

[Unless it's Kirk.]

[vulcanyounot]

Then how will I know if it went well?

[ Can you tell that he hasn't been on a first date in many years? ]