mouth_breather | IC Inbox

IC Inbox

'You've reached the voice mail of Jim Kirk. If this is an emergency, hit the pound key to deliver your message via the speaker. As long as I've got my comm with me, I'll hear it. If this is about a class assignment, press one. If this is regarding the location of any of my crew, press two.

If this is Spock questioning my orders to relax every once in a while, wait for exactly 43 seconds, press your thumb to the screen, and speak the secret passwords: 'It's okay to relax every now and then because I trust my captain, as a friend, to know what's good for me.'

...

Did you do it? Now just press 2, it would have got you the same results.'

BEEP!

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Hey, I'm having a guest over for dinner tonight and would appreciate it if you could find yourself elsewhere.

It's a girl.

[Kirk reads the text. He blinks hard, and reads it again. His eyes are not playing tricks on him. After a moment or two while his brain tries to digest the message, he taps out a reply.]

Looks like you're getting the hang of these 'human pranks' after all. Unless you're serious. Are you serious?

Yeah, Jim, because I joke about bringing women home all the time.

Seriously, though, I think she's really into me.

[Spock doesn't use sarcasm. He doesn't say 'yeah' either. Give Kirk a second to use his advanced tech to verify a few things, like ensuring the comm badge and communicator are in the same proximity, or ensuring that Spock's vitals are still good, because he's starting to worry.]

[But once he's got some tech to back him up, he grins. Swiping his hand over his mouth doesn't erase the grin either. Well hot damn, Spock has a date. He doesn't really get any of this, but you know what? As long as Spock isn't in danger, he can figure out what's going on later. Let the man have a good time for a change.]

No kidding! What's her name? What's she like? And are you kicking me out for the whole night, or just a few hours?

[The tactful way to ask 'are you going to bang.']

[Spock's usually not one to dish, but maybe that's because he's never really had the chance to.]

Her name is Winter. I met her in Fayren a couple of weeks ago - you know, the night I got back really late. We had a bit of a rough start but she's very intelligent and has rather impressive combat skills. We bumped into each other at the store and she seemed flirty so I asked her out.

[ He honestly has no idea what's going to happen tonight but he's not going to force his friend to get a room. ]

You don't have to stay out the whole night - we have a big house. Just could you maybe come in through the garage in case we're still hanging out in the living room?

I need to go over next week's coursework, so I'll be in my room for the night. You can contact me if you need advice or if you need an excuse to cut the night short for whatever reason.

[Holy hell, is this real? Spock doesn't need a wingman, he's fine on his own, right? ...Okay, he's a little flattered. This is legitimate friendship bonding.]

I'll make sure the place is clean. Are you with her right now?

[Wait, won't he get hungry if he's in there all night?

Eh, he's a captain, he'll definitely plan ahead, right?]

Thanks, you're a real bro.

Nah, we just parted ways. I'll be home soon but I have to change and get dinner going.

[ There's a delay between those messages and the next. ]

Could you teach me how to talk to her, maybe? Like without sounding like an idiot? You're so much better at it than I am.

[Kirk is laughing his ass off over here. It's a good thing this is all done via text. It's as if Christmas came early! Still, at least he's making sure the house looks nice. Neither of them are all that messy to begin with, but he'll be a little more thorough, wiping down the fridge and the inside of the microwave, making sure the toilet seat is down and all that.]

If she's already agreed to have dinner with you, at your place, it would throw her off if you started talking like me, trust me.

[But since he called him a 'real bro' (which still makes him start snickering wildly), he'll try to include some generic tips.]

Tell her she looks nice when you first meet. But don't dwell solely on her looks for compliments, mix it up. Say what you like about her when it seems natural. If she cooks something decent, tell her she's a good cook. If she judo throws you over the couch, tell her she's a mighty warrior. Just be confident and relaxed. The calmer you are, the more comfortable she'll be around you.

She's deceptively strong. She probably could judo throw me over a couch. She nearly won when we fought each other.

But really, just compliment her? That's all it takes?

She sent me a heart

Edited 2017-12-04 05:09 (UTC)

A heart, on a first date? Where are you registering the china?

[He kids, he kids.]

It's not that complicated when it all comes down to it. You must really like her, I don't think I've seen you this excited over something that wasn't in a petri dish.

Whoa, slow down. I don't know her that well. This whole date could go to shit.

I hope it doesn't.

What can I say? She's pretty cool and pretty... pretty and. I don't know. I'm excited. I just hope I don't screw up.

[Don't mind the long pause. Kirk is just having a good, long, belly laugh at the thought of Spock saying 'shit.' This is the best night of his life. He just sits there and laughs, one hand on his face, as he desperately wishes for Bones to show up and start complaining about being dropped into Genessia. He's saving these texts for later, see if he doesn't.]

Relax. It'll be fine. It sounds like she's excited too, so she's probably feeling just as nervous as you are. You've got this, bro.

[He can't help himself. Even Kirk never says 'bro' but if Spock is going to say it, he's going to say it right back.]

[And if you look to your left, you'll find a week Spock will never live down.]

Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks.

[ A few minutes pass before he gets another text. ]

Do you think I should get glasses? You know, for style? I was looking earlier and I really like these two pairs. What do you think? Do I look better with them?

Most people wear them for reading. For tonight? Has she seen you wear glasses before? I thought you had perfect vision. They don't look bad, I guess. Second pair is more stylish, first pair makes you look vulnerable in the way women seem to like.

I do. That's why they'd be for style!

She hasn't seen me in them because I don't wear them, but I know some woman dig them so I got curious how I'd look in them.

Do you think she'd like me better in them?

[KIRK DO GLASSES MAKE HIM LOOK SEXY help a bro out]

I think she'll like you equally the same. She sent you a heart, remember?

Yeah but that's just her being flirty! I want her to like me. I don't want this to be a one-off thing.

Not that I'd object but

I kind of really want this to go well.

Let's put it a different way. Do YOU feel sexier if you put on the glasses? If so, get them. If not, don't.

I don't know? I didn't really consider it. I didn't have a date at the time so it wasn't really on my mind.

All right, well, maybe save glasses for a second date where it might seem more natural to need them for some reason. Does she like poetry? You could read her some and take out the glasses then.

I don't know. When I met her she was much more direct in her speech than she was today. So I'm not sure how she'd feel about poetry.

Ask her. It's never been my strong suit, so it's not an angle I try to work, but women love it when men write them poems. Then again you said she might judo flip you, so intellectual pursuits might not be her thing. I don't know what she likes, you do.

Except I don't actually know her all that well. The first time we met she tried to kill me. She did not succeed. Obviously. Then we had a very civil conversation discussing a bunch of things but I don't really know what she likes? Except salad I guess since she's making one for tonight but I don't think that's going to help me.

But I'd like to get to know her. She's unlike anyone I've ever met.

[ Except for his regular self maybe but he doesn't know him! ]

[OOC: Exhibit A. It might be safe to say she's not a HUGE fan, but...]

It's a first date, so you'll have plenty of chances. You'll be tempted to try to sell yourself to her and talk about all your best qualities, by the way. Don't do it. Ask her about herself, then listen.

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Text - Dec 3

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Look at that, he's finally relaxing! And it only took him being raised human!

It's so simple!

We should have thought of it weeks ago!

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I'm sorry he wasn't done

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I'm not even sorry

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oh god I hope she hates poetry because I cannot write it

Well...